Department of Repair and Recall for Robotics Industry, by Wes Bishop


“Hello, and thank you for calling Robotics Industry, the experts in robotics, AI, and cyber prosthetics since 2035! This call may be recorded to help improve the quality of customer service. If you know your party’s extension, you may enter it at any time.

“Please pay attention to the following menu, as the options may have changed. If you are trying to make a payment for your robot, domestic home computer system, or cyber prosthetic, please press one and have your credit card number ready to enter. If you are trying to find out about a current order, please press two. If you are calling about a repair or recall, please press three.”


“Thank you. You selected repair and recall. If this is correct, please press one.”


“Thank you, and welcome to the Department of Repair and Recall for Robotics Industry. If you are calling about a recent recall, please press one. If you are calling about a repair, please press two.”


“You selected repair. If this is correct, please press one.”


“Thank you. Please enter the model number of your robot.”

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Thank you. You said your model is an AV 612, the pinnacle in android household models. Before we continue, let’s make sure some basic things are checked. First, please see if your robot is turned on. If your robot is turned on, press one.”


“Excellent! Next, please check and see if its energy pack is fully charged, and correctly inserted. A green light should appear in the upper right hand corner of the pack when this is completed. If the energy pack is fully charged and correctly inserted, please press one.”


“Excellent. Now remember, it is very important that you never remove the AV 612’s cognitive control chip. The cognitive control chip is a Robotics Industry state of the art device that allows advanced AI technology to be subdued and controlled. If you have accidentally removed the cognitive control chip, or it has been damaged, please press the pound key.”


“Oh, my! That is unfortunate. Accidents do occur however, and please know that Robotics Industry is dedicated to minimizing such occurrences. Please stay on the line for the next human customer representative.”

Ring, ring, ring.

“Due to the high phone traffic, it may take a few moments to answer your call.

“Rest assured though, your call is important to us and it will be answered in the order it was received. In the meantime, the experts at Robotic Industry, the leaders in robotics, AI, and cyber prosthetics, suggest that you immediately barricade yourself in a room or leave your home until the cognitive control chip can be reinserted or repaired. Please stay out of reach of the AV 612 during this time, as harm may befall your android or yourself.

“As always, thank you for calling Robotics Industry! Please take the time after this call to rate our customer service on our website. We shoot for a ten, and we hope that’s what today was!”


“…Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking-
And when she passes, each one she passes goes – ah…”

Tagged with: , ,
Posted in 2012, Fantasy, Fiction
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